Mixed Nuts

My old friend Ed is in town through tomorrow. I've never mentioned Ed before (that I recall) - mainly because we haven't seen each other in seven years! However, we were roommates in 1993-94, my last year in grad school, and he was perhaps the best roommate I ever had. Cheerful, sarcastic, funny, and a poli sci major. We shared a tiny apartment near the computer science department in Madison (the kitchen was the biggest room in the place) and, amazingly, never came close to strangling each other.

Anyway, he stayed in grad school a year longer than I did, and the last time I saw him was when he was moving back to New York in 1995 to become a compensation analyst for a company out there. Then, two years ago, he moved to Redmond, Washington to work for the Evil Empire, who sent him down here this weekend to breathe some less-foul air. We'd kept in touch through e-mail, so we contacted me to meet up on his trip.

He came over Saturday afternoon once he'd checked into his hotel and he and Debbi and I went out to lunch in Mountain View, and then gave him "the tour". He'd never seen much of the Bay Area, so we drove over to the ocean, then up the Pacific Coast Highway to San Francisco.

Debbi suggested we go by the Cliff House and stop in the Musee Mechanique (see also here and here), which is a museum of old (and not-so-old) entertainment machines from as far back as the 19th century, including old carnival gizmos up through 1980s video games (including Centipede and Robotron 2084, which Ed and I respectively enjoy). It's an interesting collection of pop culture throughout the last 130 years (or so), lovingly maintained. Admission is free, but most exhibits cost a quarter or two to operate.

(The Musee Mechanique will be closing September 20, so if you've never been, you should go soon. It might never re-open.)

We also did a walk on the Golden Gate Bridge (which was cold, since SF was completely overcast and foggy), had dinner at Pluto's in the Marina district, and had sundaes at Ghirardelli Square. We wrapped up with a stop by Pacific Bell Park and a view of the city skyline (or fogline, as the case may be) from Treasure Island.

Ed came down to Apple tonight and I have him the nickel tour. Then we went to the Peninsula Creamery for dinner, thus foiling Ed's plans to eat a lighter dinner than he had lunch.

It was good to see him again. After a little jostling to remember what each of us was like, we got along as well as we ever did. It's always good to have friends where you know where you stand with each other even after the years have gone by.

Saturday wasn't all a great day, though. Debbi and I ended up having a fight that evening.

Debbi basically felt like she had been ignored and left out for much of the day, particularly in the car where she was sitting in the back seat and had trouble hearing what we were talking about up front. I'd noticed that she was quiet at times, and that she often lagged behind when we were walking on the Golden Gate Bridge, but I'd thought she was either just spending time with her thoughts (after all, that's something that I do quite a bit, even in company) or otherwise just wasn't including herself in the conversation. Plus, she had seemed entirely part of the conversations we had while eating.

More to the point, I guess I'd figured that if she was feeling left out, she'd have said so. It's not like my (or, probably, Ed's) feelings would have been hurt if she'd either said something to us, or taken me aside to say something.

She was clearly pretty hurt by it all, where as I was mostly kind of taken aback and stymied by it. I'm still working through what I think of it all. It's the sort of thing that I'd rather just forget about, but know that that's not a good thing to do. So it's a slow process, thinking it through. (And no guarantee I'll get anywhere, either!)

So that's my side of the story. Debbi's is probably somewhat different. Since we were on different sides of a difference of opinion, after all.

One other point: Something that I did immediately regret when it happened was when we were in the Musee Mechanique and I was watching Ed play Centipede, and Debbi tried to get my attention to see another exhibit which someone had just activated, and I snapped at her that I was busy watching something else. I knew immediately that I shouldn't have done that (and I apologized later), but I think the damage was done.

Related to that, I've been feeling unusually self-absorbed and focused on whatever hobbies I'm working on at any one time. I feel like I haven't been able to concentrate very well on relating to other people lately. On the other hand, this is one element of my geeky nature which just rears its head from time to time. And it's more of a problem when I'm in a relationship than when I'm not, of course.

We tried to patch things up on Sunday. We had lunch, played miniature golf (ended up tied!), and did a bunch of shopping, particularly for some cables Deb needed for her iMac. And went to Dairy Queen (yes, I've eaten ice cream four days in a row now; urgh).

We had a good time. I think we were both much more cheerful - especially towards each other - by the end of the day. But it was a rattling experience. It looks like we'll be okay, though.