29 August 1998: Where Things Stand

Saturday, 29 August 1998:

Where Things Stand

I didn't sleep very well last night. I think I was basically nervous with anticipation and doubt about today's agenda. Of course, this meant that I ended up being tired today, too.

I was just about to jump in the shower early this afternoon when the doorbell rang. I immediately thought, "Shit, was she going to pick me up at 12:30, or at 1:30?" Fortunately, it just turned out to be the mailman who needed me to sign for a package. She (who will go unnamed; sorry!) picked me up at 1:30 as I'd thought.

She looked very lovely in her dress, of course. Sigh.

But the fact is that her invitation to accompany her to this wedding was entirely innocent and platonic; I didn't pick up any hints that she's interested in anything more (not with me, anyway). She just wanted a friend along so she'd feel less alone at the wedding and reception. So I guess at least I know where things stand now, and that is worth something, even if they don't exactly stand where I wish they did.

I did nearly open up and ask her on the drive back if she'd be interested in dating again -- but no, she was the one who called it off when we dated briefly a couple of years ago, and I don't feel comfortable broaching the subject again without a clear indication that she's changed her mind. Maybe not the smartest thing I've ever done, but that's how I feel.

Ah, well.

Otherwise, the whole afternoon went fairly well. The ceremony was what I'm given to understand was a fairly standard ceremony. Being areligious myself, I was a bit taken aback at the overt invocations of god and asking for his blessings; I often forget that people really believe that strongly in god, and feel that way about their religion. It's so foreign to my mindset.

I got to meet a number of my date's friends, who all seemed quite nice, and the reception and dinner were pretty tasty. I got pretty wired on sugar, having had several cokes, cake, and after-dinner mints. I think my mental state and physical tired-ness probably influenced this.

But yeah, I'd even say I had fun, although a few people said I was brave to come to a wedding with a whole bunch of people I didn't know. And maybe I was. I dunno.

After we got back, I went over to the house of some local fans (yes, I changed into comfortable clothes first) who were throwing a party for this year's TAFF winner. TAFF stands for the Trans-Atlantic Fan Fund, and it's basically an exchange program where someone from the U.K. comes to the U.S. (and vice-versa, on alternate years) to keep the two fandoms in touch. The Brit fans I've met have been a lot of fun (probably due in part to a good selection system to choose the beneficiary of TAFF each year), and these local fans throw good, laid-back parties. So it was a fun time. I was a little pleased with myself for cracking a few successful jokes that didn't involve horrible puns!

So it's been a full day, at the end of a very full week. And I'm bushed. And tomorrow I should take it easy.

Or maybe I'll go for a bike ride. Whatever. Right now I just feel drained, physically, mentally, emotionally. Even spiritually, if I were a spiritual person.

G'night.

Michael Rawdon (Contact)