Not Ready to Go

I had a 6:30 flight back to San Jose tonight. Mom went back to work so I had the day basically to myself. I got up around 10 am, puttered around the house, finished packing up stuff to ship back to San Jose (comics and Christmas gifts, basically), and went up to ship them. Afterwards I got a yummy sandwich at the deli nearby, then went to Starbuck's and got a frappuccino and sat and had lunch and read stories from Lord Peter, the complete Peter Wimsey short stories.

I'm not quite ready to go back. It's been a relaxing vacation - I did hardly anything over the weekend except read, watch TV, enjoy the fire in the fireplace, and go for some walks in my old neighborhood. I'm pretty sure that I need to take a good vacation more than once a year, to get away from home and enjoy some other part of the world. But after a year since my last vacation, a week and a half wasn't quite enough. Or so it seems right now. We'll see.

Walking around the old neighborhood as I did this weekend is fun, but also kind of melancholy, especially in winter when all the foliage is dead. I took some photos of the area and may scan and run them here when I get them developed. (Actually, I have many old photos I'd like to scan for various entries here. If I ever do so, I'll include pointers to the updated entries in the new entry.) I walked along the "aqueduct" that runs through town, where I used to play all the time as a kid, with various friends who lived at various points along the aqueduct. None of those friends live in their old houses anymore (meaning, even their families have moved).

I passed the stone steps that always seems rather compelling as a kid at one end of the 'duct, the tree midway along that my childhood friend Doug and I used to climb, the tree-filled valleys that I used to hide in with other friends, and the island at the far end crisscrossed with walking paths and hills which made a fine area for hide-and-seek and mock war games. I hope that the kids living along the length of the 'duct today enjoy it as much as we did.

I also appreciated the houses in town, which are big and elegant in that classic New England manner, the sort of thing you just don't see in California. (I even walked by the former house of the girl I had a huge crush on in high school. Entirely unconsummated, of course; then, as now, I was pretty much petrified of asking out a woman I was genuinely interested in. Then, she moved away after tenth grade, which put an end to an daydreams I might have had. Plus, it was never entirely clear that I was genuinely interested in dating someone back then. The hormones were working by my mind was usually elsewhere. Wonder whatever happened to her?)

Then this afternoon I went up to my old elementary school to visit some teachers. Of the six teachers I had in seven years there, only two remain at the school. (One passed away, one retired, one moved away, and I'm not sure what happened to the last.) It's been a quarter of a century since I started school there. Walking around the playground and the field today I see all the fancy equipment they have for the kids to enjoy, and I remember that when I started none of it was there. There were some swings and a small merry-go-round in the field, and a big jungle-gym in the playground, but that was it. I remember it pretty clearly, actually. It's changed a lot.

I suspect that few of my classmates visit their grade school teachers at all. I usually make a point of saying hi every year or two, if I visit when school is in session. It's nice to see the old things, remember the fun times I had there, and chat with people who knew me when.

I often miss being a kid. There were unhappy times, of course, but mostly I remember it fondly. Fewer responsibilities, often seemingly more people who I felt closer to as friends. And, of course, if I knew then what I know now...

But I didn't, and that's all behind me. Time marches on.

Mom was home for about an hour before I had to catch the train to the airport. We sat on her deck for a while and talked before I left. She agrees that I'm basically a worry-wart, and also agrees with the advice I've gotten from several people that I need to stop worrying about the things I don't like about my life right now and realize and appreciate all the good things. It's taking me a long time to internalize all this, as you can tell.

She also thinks that if you have a good job which you enjoy, then it's easier to arrange the rest of your life around that than to go find another job elsewhere. There may be something to that, but I'm not entirely convinced. I'm still thinking about it.

Still, she does make the good point that I've only been in California for ten months, which is not (as she says) long enough to have really given the area a chance. So I will stay here a while longer (at least long enough to get some real money from my Apple stock options!) and see how things work out. As she also points out, I'm not tied down here, and I shouldn't feel that I am. I have options. I just need to see how things work out, and decide what choices I want to make.

In a recent column, ESPN's Rob Neyer related the following folk tale, which I think is worth repeating:

Before we answer that, a story; the story of a wise Chinese farmer whose horse ran off. When his neighbor came to console him, the farmer said, "Who knows what's good or bad?"

The next day, the farmer's horse returned, and behind her was an entire herd of horses. The foolish neighbor came to congratulate the farmer, who replied, "Who knows what's good or bad?"

The next day, the farmer's son broke his leg while trying to ride one of the horses, and the foolish neighbor came to console the farmer yet again. "Who knows what's good or bad?" replied the farmer.

The next day, the army passed through, looking for able-bodied men. But because the farmer's son had a broken leg, he was spared from conscription. Once again, the foolish neighbor came to congratulate the farmer. And once again, he replied, "Who knows what's good or bad?"

The plane flight home was uneventful, although it turns out that the northeast regional air traffic control computer went down about 20 minutes after we took off from Boston, which delayed flights in the area for up to two hours. Close one! As it was we got into San Jose about 20 minutes early - cool!

I cabbed to Apple to pick up my car, and saw Ben and Tom there (Ben was working, Tom was playing Quake 3 Arena). Said hi to them, checked my mail, and drove home.

The cats were so glad to see me. Newton just burrowed into my arm whenever I picked him up. Meow meow meow; that's what they said.